RAVENLOONATIK.COM

I get this phone call from a slightly frazzled Customer Service (Refund/ Exchange counter) asking for some assistance.

This woman comes in and explains that she bought a package of three (brand name) green fuzzy tennis balls a few months ago, but lost her receipt (big surprise) and wanted her money back.

I ask her politely “Why are you trying to return them?”

She replies “She smell horrid… there is this putrid smell emanating from these balls! Here, ssmell them yourself”

I smelled the tennis balls and reply; “Ma’am… they smell like tennis balls.”

I’m currently biting my (bloody) tongue at this point… I respond:

“Ma’am… Without a proof of purchase it is store policy to only exchange for the exact product and we no longer issure store credit vouchers.”

“Well I don’t want these balls… I want my money back”

“Ma’am, as I already explained, I can only exchange them for the exact same product when you cannot produce a receipt or proof of purchase”

She replies (very indignant): “Well I guess I have no choice then. I guess I’ll exchange them then”

I call sporting goods and ask them to bring up another package of three tennis balls. They do so and when he arrives, I open the package and smell the new tennis balls. Of course they smell exactly the same as the ones she’s exchanging them for. I tell the customer this and she applies her so sensitive nose to the new balls and replies:

“SEE!!! These balls smell less sweaty.”

I reply, “Whatever Ma’am” (I secretly switched the original Tennis balls she intended to exchange and the newer tennis ball package) “Please smell all three of these to make sure you find them acceptable before you leave”

She smelled the balls (the exact tennis balls she said offended her nasal passages) and informs me that these are MUCH better and leaves “satisfied”.

1) Can you fucking believe such stupidity?

2) Can you believe she actually fell for the original switcheroo?

3) The definition of “Swalls” is Sweaty Balls

Things Not to say to someone working in Retail… I’ll relate these as though the “Retail Person” is working in an Automotive Parts department and these are stupid things customers say to me when they first walk up to me (or us)

_______________________________________________________

1)  ”Excuse me… Do you work here?”

My usual response is: “Yes. What can I do for you?” but when I have had to field 20-40 of these requests over a period of 10 hours of putting up with rude, inconsiderate and (for the majority of the customers) completely moronic customers, I will usually let fly one or two of the following replies:

(Keep in mind I’m ALWAYS wearing a corporation issued collared black shirt with a very large Team logo on one side and 1″x3″ big Gold name tag on the other side of my chest)

****   “No… I’m just a huge fan and like hanging out here for 9-10 hours a day. What can I help you with?“

****   “Yes… and all I get at the end of the day is this cool shirt, neck tie and name tag. What can I do for you?“

2)  ”Hey there!… Quick Question for ya…”

My usual response is: “Sure, what can I do for you.” Buuuut, when we generally help an average of 300-450 customers in a usual shift and the majority of them approach me with this opening line, I start getting cranky after the 200th time and respond with the following (sarcastic) replies:

****  ”I’m sorry Sir/Ma’am… there is no such thing, but I’ll listen anyway heheheh.”

****   “Quick answer for ya…. No.”

3)  ”Hey there!… Can I ask a stupid question?”

My usual response is: “Of course!” Listen people… DON’T say this. It makes you look even more stupid to the person you ask this to.

You could use these retorts:

****   “Can I answer it while sucking on helium?”

****   “Would you believe we sell a meter for that?”

****   “Sorry… I’ve reached the maximum daily limit for those at 8:30 this morning and we opened at 8:00am.”

Feel free to add your one liner openers for more snappy or extremely sarcastic retorts.

Recently, much has been made of the so-called Decline in Customer Service. Supposedly retail employees have become surly, unresponsive, and not at all interested in catering to every whim of the Almighty Customer. Employees’ worth can be easily determined by the size of the paycheck they bring home, and they’re obviously never going to amount to anything .. they should be happy to prostrate themselves before
the Customer in all matters. Right?

Wrong. Unbeknownst to many, those of us who ARE retail employees — who may have found ourselves in retail-related circumstances owing to
unfavorable divorce settlements, unexpected widowings, or Mumsie and Father’s inability to pay our tuition — are in direct communication with the great and mighty Retail Gods. The Retail Gods are very, very angry. They, and we, realize that the so-called Decline in Customer Service can be DIRECTLY attributed to idolatry — namely, the notion that The Almighty Customer is a god in his or her own right, and therefore may behave in any damn-fool destructive, rude, careless, stupid, ignorant or abusive way he or she sees fit.

It goes without saying that you get what you give, and if you are cheerful and kind and willing to work with us, we’ll fawn all over you. But, tragically, customers have ceased to pay attention to the Ten Retail Customer Commandments. In fact, most customers have no idea that these Commandments exist at all. So, for everyone’s edification, here they are. (Your faithful scriptural scholar is donning his Consecrated Asbestos Suit against the inevitable flames from people with exaggerated senses of entitlement.)

1. Thou shalt not fancy thyself a God, to have no other Gods held above thee.

You have money. We want it. This does not mean that we are obligated to have our time wasted by you. You are not entitled to be a dick. You are not the be-all and end-all. Sorry if this hurts your feelings, but if you make a nuisance of yourself you deserve what you get.
“A nuisance” is a pretty broad definition, I realize, but here are some examples: deciding you don’t want those air fresheners after all, and stashing them behind the toilet paper. Allowing your offspring to destroy everything in sight. Exorcising your PMS demons on a helpless employee,over an issue with which the employee has nothing to do with. Coming to us with questions along the lines of “I want this car part. I don’t remember what it’s called, or who makes it, or what it does, or when I saw it, but it was about this big and had a blue cover,” and threatening to call Corporate when we can’t help you. And so on.

2. Thou shalt not make Graven Images in an attempt to fake us out.

Xeroxed coupons, phony receipts, counterfeit bills, expired this, issued-by-our-competitor that. We are not obligated to take your Graven Images, and don’t you DARE give us a hard time when we refuse.

2a. Thou shalt, however, pay much heed to the Graven Images with which the Retail Gods choose to surround you, lest you tick us off most severely.

Yeah. You know how there are signs in stores? Please read them. Please. Chances are, you won’t even NEED to interact with that nasty employee at all, if you just read the damn signs. Wanna know where the restroom is? Look for the sign that says “Restrooms”! Wanna know what the store’s Hours of Operation are (as per the Fourth Commandment)? They’re posted right on the fuckin’ door. These Graven Images are not there for decoration.

3. Thou shall not utter blasphemy in the presence of the Retail Gods, for this is naughty in Their sight.

If the phrase “The customer is always right” ever escapes your lips, we assume that you are not only WRONG, but festering, bloodless, rigor mortis-having DEAD wrong. You may whine and minge and yell and stomp your little feet until the poor employee caves in just to get you the hell out of his face, but you’re probably fucking wrong anyway.
Example: You want an item. An employee informs you that the store is out of said item. What do you do? If you demand that the employee produce
the item anyway, because The Customer Is Always Right, you are in clear violation of the Third Retail Customer Commandment. Likewise, if you invoke the dread phrase after you have tried to finagle Free Shit to which you are not entitled (see the Sixth Commandment, below,) may the Gods strike you down where you stand.

4. Remember thy Hours of Operation, and keep them holy.

There’s an Asshole Customer urban legend which claims that if you are in the store, even if the store is closed, we are STILL obligated
to wait on you hand and foot. This is a pernicious lie. If we say we’re closed… if we have made seven or eight PA announcements to the effect that we are closed…
WE’RE CLOSED. We now have to get down to the business of cleaning up after you, so please note the time the store opens in the morning and get the hell out.

5. Honor thy Return Policy, that its days may be long upon the earth, and that we don’t get exasperated and take it away from you.

Need a receipt for a return? Keep your receipt. Is there a time limit for a refund? Remember what it is, and behave accordingly. This isn’t fucking rocket science,
people. Also: unless a product is defective, we CANNOT take it back unless it is in saleable condition. If the kitty barfed on it, if it looks like it’s been trodden on by an exceptionally hefty horse, if you purchased it in 1996 and it is faded, covered with pills, and the elbows have gone all baggy, don’t even think about trying
to return it. This is tantamount to attempting to finagle Free Shit to which you are not entitled. (Again, see the Sixth Commandment.)

6. Thou shalt not Kill thy Retail Establishment’s Profit Margin by attempting to finagle Free Shit to which you are not entitled.

You stubbed your toe on a display. You think an employee looked at you funny. An item won’t scan the first time the cashier swipes it. Someone else stuck a 50% Off sticker on an item, in an attempt to finagle Free Shit to which they were not entitled, and said item fell into your hands next. What do you do?
If your first reaction to any of these calamities is something like “Hot DOG! Maybe I can get Free Shit!” you are in clear violation of this most grave and pointed of Commandments.
Now, well may you wonder.. “Hey! What do I care about this faceless megacorp’s profit margin?” You shouldn’t, of course. However, the more money we lose
on people trying to scam Free Shit, the more likely we are to hike prices, cut employee hours and hours of operation, and subject you to even less fawning service than that to which you have become accustomed.
If you try to weasel the price down, or get Free Shit, every time you are confronted by a retail transaction, you should know that you are DIRECTLY responsible for higher prices and the presence of harried employees. Retail establishments are not ego-stroke emporiums, nor are they charities. They’re in it to make a buck, just like you. If you go out of your way to avoid paying for the goods and services these establishments offer, you’re only cornholing yourself (and everyone else) in the long run.
A note on haggling, extrapolated from the original text of the Sixth Commandment: Haggling works at yard sales, at thrift stores, at swap meets, and
sometimes at mom-n-pop joints with which you have a years-long relationship. It does not work anywhere else. Sidling up to the Parts Counter at your local Canadian Tire
and telling the Parts Guy “Hey… I’ll buy these brake pads, and this can of brake clean, IF you give me the battery charger for free,” DOES NOT WORK. The
parts guy doesn’t stand to gain anything by giving merchandise away — he or she STILL takes home the same paltry check they would otherwise. If the employee acquiesces, and gets caught, they could even be fired. So don’t you DARE give us a hard time if the Parts person won’t knuckle under to your bullying.
Sometimes the Retail Gods do deign to give you Free Shit, in the form of Special Promotions. Pay heed to said Special Promotions… and if they require a coupon, BRING THE COUPON.

7. Thou shalt not threaten Retail Adultery in the service of violating the Sixth Commandment.

Does our competitor have the same item for cheaper? Great! Go there! Some Retail Establishments pricematch. Most do not. If the Retail Establishment you are patronizing doesn’t pricematch, you’re wasting your breath.

8. Thou shalt not Steal.

If you shoplift, you’re a pathetic fucking loser who needs to wake up and realize that you’re not in seventh grade anymore.

9. Thou shalt not bear False Witness against thy Employee.

Did I politely tell you that we are out of the item you wanted? Did you then call back, ask for my supervisor, and tell her that I “cursed at you” and “hung up on you”? If so, you are Bearing False Witness, and you deserve to be strung up by your toenails.
Don’t fucking LIE. Don’t call us up and tell us that some mythical other employee told you that you get to take home our entire inventory for free. If we tell you how it is, don’t accuse US of lying either, as this also constitutes Bearing False Witness and is just plain shitty to boot.
Example:
Asshole Customer: “I’ve had this item for a year and I’ve driven over it with my Expedition, oh, five, six times. Can I return it?”
Employee: “No, sorry, that’s against company policy.”
Asshole Customer: “You’re a LIAR! I KNOW you can take this back! LIAR! Get me your manager!”
Um. We underwent many interminable hours of training so as to absorb all the company policy the Retail Gods care to shove at us. We KNOW what the return
policy is. We KNOW we can’t get you stuff that isn’t on the premises, at least not immediately. We KNOW we can’t give you a discount for no reason.
Do not Bear False Witness against us!
There is a special place in Retail Hell for people who Bear False Witness by crying racism.
Example the second:
[banging on locked door, employee pokes head out]
“I’m sorry, we closed at 9 and it’s 9:45 now. We open at 8 AM tomorrow–”
“What?! You’re just not helping me because I’m [insert ethnicity here]! You’re a RACIST!”

10. Thou shalt not covet thy Employee’s Free Time, nor his/her Discount, nor his/her Secondary Sexual Characteristics, nor anything else that belongs to thy
Employee.

If you see a store employee, in civvies, bereft of nametag, skulking out of the store and obviously trying not to be noticed, he or she is probably heading home for the day or going to lunch. Do not insist that he or she help you. You may be entertaining some romanticized notion that if they took their job seriously, they’d help you even though they are off the clock and not getting paid. Fuck you. You may work on your lunch break, but dammit, we don’t get paid enough. Leave us alone.
Also: if you use the employee’s company discount (usually provided as a bargaining chip to keep us from giving up and quitting in disgust) as collateral in some kind of sick psychological warfare, you deserve NOTHING. (”Hey, uh, give me your discount and I won’t tell your boss you called me an asshole.” “But I didn’t call you a –” “Nuh-uh-uh! Discount!”)
Also: the employee is not there for your titillation. S/he is not there to be ogled, groped, or leered at. Do not hit on him/her. Leave him/her alone and let him/her do his/her job. Okay?

That is all, but I think you will agree it is enough. For those for really know me… this won’t be the last rant

Ok, I found this roofing rant on the internet one day and thought I’d publish it PLUS my take on the whole thing:

The original Letter- Author unknown:

I hate it when you don’t show up on time. I hate it when you’re slow in returning my phone calls. I hate it when you point fingers at the builder, the architect, the supplier, rush-hour traffic, the weather, someone calling in sick o any other real or imagined cause of delays and screw-ups Excuses don’t cut it when thousands of dollars of my money are on the line.

I hate it when I have to pay you more than I expected. I don’ give a snot about the semantic distinction between an “estimate” and a “quote.” I want to know how much the job is going to cost before it starts. Yes, I understand that may change with changes in the work, but I expect to know exactly how mud those changes will cost before I approve them.

I don’t care how talented you are, or what you did for me last year, business is business. As long as I’m paying for your services, I’m the boss and you are my servant. I hate it when you act like you are the one doing me a favor instead of the other way around.
I am The Almighty…

My Response: Well… unknown author, I think I’ll call you Dick for the rant response… I find it easier for me to relate my thoughts to you if I have a name.

Showing up on time: I can’t speak for all roofers about showing up on time or being slow to return your phone calls… these are completely legit bitches I won’t touch. Rush hour traffic?? Come on Dick… YOU have NEVER been late for a job due to traffic?? The weather?? Are you kidding Dick? How hard do you think it would be to put a roof on your home when its pouring rain or snowing? This is Calgary you knob… We can have all four seasons in all four quadrants of the city in one day dude.

You hate it when we point fingers at: The Builder, The architect, the supplier: The ROOFER has to put a roof on top of a house that the BUILDER is building. The BUILDER has to follow a screwed up drawing an ARCHITECT drew on paper. The SUPPLIER supplies the products for the builder and ROOFER.

You whine and complain there are delays…

OF COURSE THERE ARE DELAYS! It’s an imperfect world Dick!�One�affects�the�other.

If�there�are�no�supplies�the�builder/�roofer�cannot�put�anything�on�your�roof.

Ok… I’m going to assume this ‘rant’ is directed at roofers and I’m going to assume that the house is built and is getting a new roof put on. That said, you are usually given an estimate cost because there are unknown factors involved.

Roofers go up to your roof and strip off the old shingles, shakes or what have you. They may encounter wood ROT on the boards, mold which leads to ROT, big ass HOLES in the roof that the BUILDERS may have sluffed off, not enough ventilation from roof vents.�Sections�of�roof�boards�not�properly�secured�to�trusses�etc.

These are things the roofers�and sales people DON’T KNOW until the roof has been stripped. Now it doesn’ t take a rocket scientist Dick to figure out you have roof problems if you need a new roof put on…. The roofers don’t want to proceed until the homeowner knows what is wrong and how much it will be to fix it. The Sales people won’t tell you a fixed price, because these repairs can easily be in the thousands of dollars to fix PRIOR to putting the new roof on… we do that because any roofer worth their name WANT to warranty their work for YOU.

Sure�we�can�just�throw�new�shingles�on�the�roof�at�the�quoted�price,�but�will�your

roof�leak�like�it�did�before? Of�course�it�WILL�Dick.

I don’t care how talented you are, or what you did for me last year, business is business. Yes it is just business. So given this rant, why aren’t you a bit more rational.

As long as I’m paying for your services, I’m the boss and you are my servant. Ummm NO Dick… You may be paying for a service and you may be a “boss” for a short period of time, but to assume we are your “servant” is nothing but a retarded statement that shows that you have a very small penis Dick.

I hate it when you act like you are the one doing me a favor instead of the other way around.
I am The Almighty… We ARE trying to do you a favor, by your roof not leaking either now or in the future… and yes Dick… You ARE THE almighty DICK if you fail to understand these more than reasonable statements.

Dear End User,

While�YOU may think it is ok to call a person, that works in the computer industry,�at home for help, it drives us crazy. Let me try to put it in terms you might understand.

Try out this scenario and see what happens:

1) Call your friend who is a mechanic at home, at dinner time.

2) Tell�them your car is not running right, or it won’t even start.

3) Tell�them you saw an�important looking�sign while driving that said your car wasn’t running right, but if you install these magical and wonderful parts, you’ll never have difficulties with your car again! So you pulled in and let these total strangers install:

• Fuel Helper
• Pot hole blockers
• Wheel assistants
• A special radio station
• An engine watcher

4) Ask them if they mind talking you through figuring out why�your car won’t run. Optional: Laugh really loud and say “I know nothing about these complicated machines.”, because they love to hear that!

5) Tell him you have no tools.

6) When he asks you to open the hood and have a look, ask him “Where is the hood?”��Optional: Tell them your cousin tried doing “something” to fix it, but you don’t know what it was, and the problem is worse now.

7) While looking at the engine, read them the very long serial numbers of the parts. You know, because mechanics have them all memorized for all cars.

Always keep asking if you should turn things, “Left or Right?”

9) Ask them if they see the part near the other “Doo-Hickey”. You know, because one of the prerequisites you need to be to be a mechanic is the ability to�see through the phone.

10) Ask then if the problem has anything to do with the new garage door you installed last week.

11) After they patiently talk you through checking for “Fuel and Fire“, and it still doesn’t work, make sure to ask them if they can drive 30+ minutes across the city to your home on their day off and come fix it. Optional: Whine about how much you need your car.

12) Have them do all this for just a “Thank you.”

13) PRETEND to understand when they say not to believe�fancy schmancy looking�signs�that say your car isn’t running right. Just smile and wave when they say you need to regularly schedule maintenance on your car, and to use only well known mechanics.

14) Repeat the whole process every 60-90 days.

Optional: Call from your family members house because you tried to fix theirs and you messed up their cars now.

Optional: Tell all your friends about the “Real Handy” Mechanic and have them call you to have their car problems fixed as well.

Does THAT help you understand what tech people go through?�� NO???

Okay… Okay, Let’s try some slightly different situationals.

Would you:

• Call a plumber to talk you through installing a water heater (your first time) at 10PM?
• Call a lawyer to talk you thru defending yourself on a murder charge on a Saturday morning?
• Call a doctor to help you get rid of that itchy “burning feeling” during dinner?

Understand YET???�� �NO???

While we Geeks and Nerds�LOVE technology, we do however, HATE phone support. Nothing aggravates a techie person more then trying to solve a problem over the phone.

Tech people have lives as well. There are things we would like to do after working on computer problems all day then to come home and�do phone support during some of the very little time we have to ourselves or our own family.

We are�NOT tech whores. If we help, buy us something small, a video game, a bottle of wine, or dinner. Hell if you’re a mechanic, fix our car!

I’m sorry Dude & Dude-ettes, but you�NEED to learn what you are doing isn’t right.

Think before you pick up that phone.

This has been a Public Service Announcement from RavenLoonTiK.Com

Thank you.

Back by popular demand:

Can anyone tell me how old Christmas is? Anyone? Two thousand years, give or take, right? Gee, who�s been reading their �No Child Left Behind� History Textbooks? Try f*cking four thousand years! Twice as f*cking long as your little baby king has been around. How could that possibly be, unless. . . waitaminute. . . Christmas isn�t f*cking Christian.

That�s right, that Yuletide cheer you�re spreading? What exactly do you think Yule is? It�s the f*cking Pagan celebration of Winter Solstice. And those �Christmas� traditions? They�re not just �LIKE� Pagan rituals, they f*cking ARE Pagan rituals.

Way before your Jesus got all magical with the bread and fishes, the Romans were celebrating the birth of Mithra on . . . guess? Go on � guess.
December f*cking 25th. What a weird coincidence huh??!! Practically the whole thing is ripped off from the fucking Druids and the Romans. Twelve days? Check. Exchanging gifts? Check. Mistletoe? Check. And you�d better fucking believe that those decorated trees that Gibson and Co. are so bent out of shape over are as Pagan as the Rune and Crystal Shack at Pentagramfest 2005.
You might as well be building miniature f*cking Stonehenges in your livingroom.

Don�t you read your own goddamn Bibles? Jesus was born when? In the middle of winter? Okay� that�s possible.
Lot of Shepherds out watching their flocks around that time of year in Bethlehem? I doubt it�.because they�d be freezing their f*cking asses off.

Tell you what � y�all go figure out which one of the different Bible stories about the birth of Baby Jesus� you want to believe, and then we�ll argue about whether it f*cking happened like that or not.

Christians just stole a bunch of traditions from other cultures, slapped them together, stuck a f*cking tinfoil star on top and called it the Most Important Holiday of the Year.
Actually, the the first national Christmas Tree was lit in the year 1923 on the White House lawn by President Calvin Coolidge.

Modern Christmas makes Michael Jackson look positively organic.

But every year you boys at the television stations still freak out about how everyone�s out to get your special trees. This is really the most important thing you have to talk about? Whether Domo Jump-To-The-Pump Jockeys say �Happy Holidays� or �Merry Christmas�?

Well I�ve f*cking had it. You want to play bullshit games and scream about how God�s f*cking judgment is gonna come raining down on us if we don�t start watching our vocabulary?
Go right ahead. But let me clue you in on something: fire and brimstone is no deterrent for us.
We are NOT going to hell, assholes, we�re f*cking in hell. We live with YOU.

And f*ck Easter too, you fertility�rite�celebrating, whiny, self-righteous, don�t�know�the� history�of�your�own�religion assholes.

Here we go again folks… when the stupid flakes fly (Snow)…

Let’s see what I encounter almost every day on the streets of Calgary.

1) On a 4-lane road, it’s almost always faster to drive in the right hand lane. Why? Because apparently Calgary teaches people that the left lane is for going the same speed or SLOWER than people in the right lane. Everywhere else, the left lane is for PASSING!

2) People stop when there is no reason to stop. Is it only in Calgary where people hallucinate stop signs?

3) Onramps to highways have an apparent imaginary speed limit of 50 kilometres per hour to merge onto a�100�kilometre road. Can people in Calgary not realize that it’s much easier and safer to merge at 90-100�kilometres than it is at 50?

4) If a speed limit sign says 80 km, it must really mean 50 km, or 60 km.
I could go on…

It’s not just an “unwritten rule” that the left lane is for passing. And you’d be surprised, I saw a piece on 20/20 a few years ago about how people who go 10-25�km under the speed limit CAUSE more accidents than people going over the speed limit.

What makes drivers here so incompetent? This is a city of�(now) 1�million people.

OH! I know!! It’s the 200,000 or so imported workers from down East, or the wheat boys and gals from Central Canada that found jobs here in booming Calgary!!

Okay… so here goes my friggin Rant on the dumbasses who drive their SUV’s in the winter like is a balmy + 25 degrees celcius outside…

4 Wheel Drive and Snow (Physics)
Repeat after me: 4 wheel “GO” does not equal 4 wheel “STOP”.

A quick rant to explain something to you SUV Drivers, most of whom are clueless menaces on the road. I say most, rather than all, on the statistical possibility that one of you has some intelligence and driving skills. So far, this assumption has proven excessively optimistic, but hey, I’m a positive kinda guy.

On the Deerfoot, snow accumulation was about 2 inches. (not a helluva lot)
By staying in the center of the middle or right lanes where traffic was heaviest, you could make sure your tires were, for the most part, in contact with actual pavement, as opposed to the white stuff. The left lane and the�extreme�right lanes were less travelled and had a few centimetres of snow covering them.

Here’s where things got interesting:
Many SUV’s and quite few high end cars (BMW’s & Audi Quattros) were hauling ass along the left lanes. I may have a heavy right foot, but I do not go 130�km/hr in the snow — these idiots did.

I�got to witness a dozen or so fender benders along the way 14�km trip home: The most memorable was seeing the results of a Nissan SUV spin out, and in an unrelated accident, watching in more or less slow motion, a Hummer (HAHAHA!) careening into the cement guard rail.

(Seriously, how bad a driver must you be to slam the “vehicle that can go anywhere and do anything” into a wall?)

Here’s the physics of the situation: 4 wheel drive is your method of locomotion. It’s how you go. But here’s the… apparent unknown secret:

It has absolutely nothing to do with how you stop; That’s an entirely different system within your vehicle�you�dumbasses!

But 4 wheel GO does not equal 4 wheel STOP.
It has no impact on halting your momentum. Can you comprehend that?

Oh, sure, if you drive a manual… and downshift properly… in some situations, you can use the engine to control wheel slip and improve control. But seriously, how many SUV owners drive manual transmissions?
And of those who do, how many of them know how to drive? Apparently far too few.

If anything, 4 wheel drive merely allows you to get yourself into more dangerous situations. I saw a Porsche 911 fishtailing all over the road. He was aware of his limitations in the snow and was going 30 kph.
His torquey, rear wheel drive system had little in the way of traction in the snow… and he knew it. He crept along in the right lane and still ran into some trouble.

Now back to our 130 kph snow fools:

In the event of loss of traction, (not too hard to imagine in 2 inches of snow) you are merely a two tonne hunk of steel sliding across a frictionless surface until you either

A) ��regain directional control or

B) ��run into some mass which stops you.

Your Anti-Lock Brake System (ABS) is USELESS when your tires cannot make contact with the pavement. Modulating brake lock up when snowplaning on a 2 inch cushion of white stuff does you no good whatsoever.

The technical term for this phenomena is called “Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeee!”

A message to you SUV (and all wheel drive) owners:
Understand the limits of your vehicle. Learn to drive in inclement weather. You’ll be doing your families, and the people you share the roads with, a huge favor.

End Rant.

So, you know what’s really grinding my gears these days? Cashiers who return my change with the coins precariously balanced on top of the bills.

I mean, think about it: First they have to go to all the trouble of balancing the change on top of the bills, hand it across the counter to me (which frequently results in some of the coins sliding off onto the counter or floor), and then I have to extricate the bills out from under the coins to get them into my wallet. Why do they do this? Did someone teach them at cashier school to return money this way? I hope not.
I hope it’s just a fad that will eventually fade, because it’s inefficient and likely to result in lost coins.

Why not just put the coins into my hand and the bill on top? Or, better yet, leave it on the counter, and I’ll pick it up myself. That’s the way it is normally done. But, by God, stop wasting time and effort to build a delicately-balanced and doomed-to-failure construction of coins on bills. It’s awkward for the cashiers, it’s awkward for me, and it wastes both our time.

You know, this bizarre behaviour started again a year or two ago, and seemed to spring up spontaneously. I guess one person did it and another cashier received change that way, and it grew exponentially from there. Normally, something like this grows because there is a need that is satisfied by it. But this particular behaviour doesn’t solve any problems, it just makes life harder for both cashier and customer.

It reminds me of my friend Shawn, who used to like to stand his portable telephone up on its end. It could fall over at the slightest agitation, but still he had a desire to set it up precariously.
For a few months I was living with him, and it used to drive me bonkers. So I’d put his phone down on its side where it could not fall over. But next time he used it, he’d stand it up again. Why, Shawn, why?
And while we’re on the subject, why did you frequently eat ice cream out of a glass? That irritated me too. And your “efficiency” argument didn’t convince me. Same with your “easier to wash” argument. And …

Ah, never mind …

Raven please read this it is long but worth your time
im done insaulting swearin and all that stuff

Post:
Raven Im sorry.
Wednesday, 31. May 2006, 17:51:40

Dear
Raven

I give up im done posting im done sayin sfuff about you. i am finished no more insaults no more swears. You can belevie in anythin you want. I dont want to fight anymore i am jsut a kid i dont understand anything i say most of the time. I am finished. I dont want to make you mad any more. I am done with this site and done with yellin at people. If you could delete all the posts that i did on your blosgs i would appreciate it and i would like to put al of this behind us. you may not forgive me but im done. you can still yell at me and you can give me crap but i wont respond to any of it. i am sincrerly sorry. im sorry for insulting what you belive in. i am sorry for callin you a faggit “faggot”. im sorry for callin you an idiot. im sorry for callin you a f*ck up and all of it. I wont do it any more to anyone. im done posting on this page. I may check to see if you write anything but i wont respond. If you have ever herd of the game final fantasy seven “my favorite game” the main characters name is cloud. that is where i got my name cloud256, cloud255, cloud257. the numbers are all fo my favorite numbers. you probably dont care but i thought you should know. As i said im sorry. I have better things to do with my life than make fun of people i dont even know. I know what i did was wrong and i wont do it again. im sorry man i realy mean it. im just a kid i dont know what i was gettin into. I thought i was bein cool by makin fun of people but i never thought i would get made fun of back. im done man. If you dont belive me thats ok. and what you said about my profile it was rather amusing. I hope you accept my appology. could you please post your remark here and on your hate postings of cloud256. ill check later.

adios

sorry,
Cloud
———————————————————————————————–
*** I posted the following on his Blog Site in response to this ***

Hi Cloud…

I accept your apology and I harbor no ill feelings toward you or anyone… believe me, when you get older, you’ll realize that it’s just not worth REALLY getting upset over. [Don’t sweat the small stuff]

And to be honest, I apologize for all the things I said in return or retaliation.

As for your requests, I will post your apology and my reply on my Site in all the appropriate places.

I will not remove your posts or what was said in the past comments.
I’m not doing it to “get back at you” or anything petty… it’s that I’ve never deleted any comments or posts on my site, just under general principles…
that the current Generation “Y” or “Z” [or whatever your generation will be called] seem to think that if something is “said” to someone, it can easily be forgiven and forgotten.

Think of it this way… if you had said what you said on my site to someone’s face, and then later regretted it (Like we ALL have done, and will do in the future) that someone can forgive you for what was said, but it doesn’t get forgotten… just disregarded.

So.. all is forgiven… and eventually it will be disregarded (archived) as old news… no biggie.

A wise person once said:
How long does it take to change the essence of a man?

The answer my friend… is Time. We all need time in order to change, to make a difference in our world.

Cheers!
Raven
———————————————————————————————

Hopefully this ends the feud between the Cloud and the Raven…

So… I was perusing my comments from my June 6th, 2006 Rant and found a second entry posted by Cloud256:
My first encounter with this dipshit, I replied with the following:

http://my.opera.com/ravenloonatik/homes/albums/74913/cloud256_1.JPG�The Comment that Sparked the Hate Mail

http://my.opera.com/ravenloonatik/homes/albums/74913/cloud256.JPG his Second Response Below[/URL][/B]:
According to the http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=faggit&defid=643593 Urban Dictionary = “Faggit” I was especially drawn to the 3rd and the 7th definitions.

The 3rd: The wrong spelling of the word “faggot,” mostly spelled wrong by young people who spell it how they pronounce the word, with an “i”
Example:
Aaron(who is 10) says: “Man, you are a faggit”
Ben (who is 16) says: It’s spelled F-A-G-G-O-T, dumbass.

The 7th: Faggit is the term used for the homosexual as spread over both “Faggit” and “Faggot”
However “Faggot” is the definition of a large round mass of meat. This is as of 2003 Oxford Dictionary…
Example:
there is a faggot on my plate…
there is a faggit in my bathroom…

Personally, I’ll go with the 7th definition since it’s actually in a dictionary and this is the context it was used; in a futile attempt to insult me… “a large round mass of meat”… yup, I have that Cloud256, and steel f*cking balls that go with it.

To continue further your argument, you continue to show your infantilism, you agree with me that you aren’t an “adault”. Well, duh! Anyone over the age of 18 can and will figure that out for themselves and agree with me and reiterate my first comment “Go change your diaper”.

Regarding your laughable attempt at posturing by saying I “better be able to back it up”… Holy sh*t dude… yes I can, and WILL back it up… can you???�

Meet cha by the bike racks at 3 o’clock… LMAO!

As for your silly notion of “you cant stop me from posting so dont tell me to go away”…
Ummmm NEWS FLASH Moron:

http://my.opera.com/ravenloonatik/homes/albums/74913/cloud256_2.JPG YES I CAN MAKE YOU DISAPPEAR !
But I won’t… because I WANT you to keep posting… just for my sheer entertainment value… and a lesson for those thinking of having children;

!! Caution: Your Children Could be a Moron Like This Person !! Please do not reproduce !!

Hilarious!