RAVENLOONATIK.COM

My Son shared this with me and I feel it will give endless amounts of entertainment for all to relate to… I am guilty of at least half of these…

LMAO

1. Turn signals will give away your next move. A confident Alberta driver avoids using them.

2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance between you and
the car in front of you, because the space will be filled in by somebody
else, putting you in an even more dangerous situation.

3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less of a chance you have
of getting hit.

4. Warning! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No one expects it
and it will result in your being rear-ended.

5. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive bodywork,
especially with B.C. or Sask, plates. With no insurance, the other operator
has nothing to lose.

6. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that your
ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal violently
pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it’s a chance to strengthen your leg
muscles.

7. Never pass on the left when you can pass on the right. It’s a good way to
prepare other drivers entering the highway.

8. Speed limits are arbitrary figures; given only as a suggestion and are
not enforceable in Alberta during rush hour, especially in Calgary.

9. Just because you’re in the left lane and have no room to speed up or move
over doesn’t mean that an Albertan driver flashing his high beams behind you
doesn’t think he can go faster in your spot.

10. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or even someone
changing a tire. This is seen as a sign of respect for the victim.

11. Learn to swerve abruptly without signaling. Alberta is the home of
high-speed slalom-driving; thanks to the Department of Public Works, which
puts pot-holes in key locations to test drivers’ reflexes and keep them
alert.

12. It is tradition in Alberta to honk your horn at cars in front of you
that do not move within three milliseconds of the light turning green.

13. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover, it is important
to exit your vehicle through the windshield right away. Wearing your seat
belt will only impede your hi-velocity escape from danger.

14. Remember that the goal of every Alberta driver is to get ahead of the
pack by whatever means necessary.

15. In Alberta, ‘flipping the bird’ is considered a polite salute. This
gesture should always be returned.

Thank You From,
The Alberta Registrar of Motor Vehicles

A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart and brave you are and how you are my hero” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog spoke up again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion for an entire week.” The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

The frog then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back into his pocket.

Finally, the frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess, that I’ll stay with you for a year and do anything you want. Why won’t you kiss me?”

The man said, “Look, I’m a computer programmer.

I don’t have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool.”

I just read this on a fellow Opera blogger’s site: Laughed my ass off….
http://my.opera.com/jonimueller/blog/Joni Mueller

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and say, “I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Direct Marketing.

You’re at a party with a bunch of friends and see a gorgeous girl. One of your friends goes up to her and pointing at you says, “He’s fantastic in bed.”
That’s Advertising.

You see a gorgeous girl at a party. You go up to her and get her telephone number. The next day you call and say, “Hi, I’m fantastic in bed.”
That’s Telemarketing.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. You get up and straighten your tie; you walk up to her and pour her a drink. You open the door for her, pick up her bag after she drops it, offer her a ride, and then say, “By the way, I’m fantastic in bed.”

That’s Public Relations.

You’re at a party and see a gorgeous girl. She walks up to you and says, “I hear you’re fantastic in bed.”

That’s Brand Recognition.

http://www.doodie.com/boss_flash_animation.php

Don’t get any funny ideas Lansow or Yawlyer !:D

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary.
Every word out of the bird’s mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.

John tried and tried to change the bird’s attitude by consistently saying onlypolite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to “cleanup” the bird’s vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder. John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird by the neck and put him in the freezer.

For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he’d hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer.
The parrot calmly stepped out onto John’s outstretched arms and said, “I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I’m sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivablebehavior.”

John was stunned at the change in the bird’s attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird continued,

“May I ask what the turkey did?”