Archive for April, 2007
Website is back up!
Hi all… Had a wee problem with the domain control here this past week.
There’s a lot to be said about keeping control of your own domains… anyway. its back up!
Yay!
No commentsSorry! I’ve been busy…
Hey all… Just wanted to drop you a line here to let you know I’m still alive… I’ve been busy on another project (starting up another website) and I’ve been concentrating on that.
I still haven’t received any ‘takers’ on the ability to ‘blog’ here on ravenloonatik.com so if you are interested and can provide somewhat meaningful things to blog about, then send me an email at raven@ravenloonatik.com
Cheers!
No commentsThoughts for 2007
1) Stop giving me that pop-up ad for classmates.com! There’s a reason you don’t talk to people for 25 years. Because you don’t particularly like them!
2) Don’t eat anything that’s served to you out a window unless you’re a seagull. People are acting all shocked that a human finger was found in a bowl of Wendy’s chili. Hey, it cost less than ten dollars. What did you expect it to contain? Lobster?
3) Stop saying that teenage boys who have sex with their hot, blonde teachers are permanently damaged. I have a better description for these kids: “Lucky b*stards.”
4) If you need to shave and you still collect baseball cards, you’re a dope. If you’re a kid, the cards are keepsakes of your idols. If you’re a grown man, they’re pictures of men.
5) Ladies, leave your eyebrows alone. Here’s how much men care about your eyebrows: Do you have two of them? Okay, we’re done… If you have one eyebrow… you need to pay attention to them.
6) There’s no such thing as flavoured water. There’s a whole aisle of this crap at the supermarket, water, but without that watery taste. Sorry, but flavoured water is called a soft drink. You want flavoured water? Pour some scotch over ice and let it melt. That’s your flavoured water.
7) Stop screwing with old people. Target is introducing a redesigned pill bottle that’s square, with a bigger label. And the top is now the bottom. And by the time grandpa figures out how to open it, his ass will be in the morgue. Congratulations, Target, you just solved the Social Security crisis .
The more complicated the Starbucks order, the bigger the asshole. If you walk into a Starbucks and order a “decaf grande, half-soy, half-low fat, iced vanilla, double-shot, gingerbread cappuccino, extra dry, light ice, with one Sweet-n’-Low, and one NutraSweet,” ooh, you’re a huge asshole.
9) I’m not the cashier! By the time I look up from sliding my card, entering my PIN number, pressing “Enter,” verifying the amount, deciding, no, I don’t want cash back, and pressing “Enter” again, the kid who is supposed to be ringing me up is standing there eating my Snickers.
10) Ladies: Just because your tattoo has Chinese characters in it doesn’t make you spiritual. Especially if it’s right above the crack of your ass. It probably translates to “beef with broccoli.” The last time you probably did anything spiritual, you were praying to your God you weren’t pregnant. You’re not spiritual. You’re just high or on good glue.
11) Competitive eating isn’t a sport. It’s one of the seven deadly sins. ESPN recently televised the U.S. Open of Competitive Eating, because watching those athletes at the poker table was just too damned exciting. What’s next, competitive farting? Oh wait. They’re already doing that. It’s called “The Howard Stern Show.”
12) I don’t need a bigger mega M&Ms. If I’m extra hungry for M&Ms, I’ll go nuts and eat two.
13) If you’re going to insist on making movies based on crappy, old television shows, then you have to give everyone in the Cineplex a remote so we can see what’s playing on the other screens. Let’s remember the reason something was a television show in the first place is that the idea wasn’t good enough to be a movie.
14) No more gift registries. You know, it used to be just for weddings. Now it’s for babies and new homes and graduations from rehab. Picking out the stuff you want and having other people buy it for you isn’t gift giving, it’s the white people version of looting.
15) And this one is long overdue: No more bathroom attendants. After I zip up, some guy is offering me a towel and a mint like I just had sex with George Michael. I can’t even tell if he’s supposed to be there, or just some freak with a fetish. I don’t want to be on your web cam, dude. I just want to wash my hands.
16) When I ask how old your toddler is, I don’t need to hear “27 months.” “He’s two” will do just fine. He’s not a cheese. I didn’t really care in the first place.
17) If you ever hope to be a credible adult and want a job that pays better than minimum wage, then for God’s sake don’t pierce or tattoo every available piece of flesh. If so, then plan your future around saying, “Do you want fries with that?”
Some NEW Favourite quotes include but are not limited to;
- Always drink upstream of the herd
- Save a tree, eat a beaver
- 4 out of 3 people have trouble with fractions
- Jesus is coming… Look busy
- It’s not my fault I have enormous faults I’m unwilling to work on
- Cat: The other white meat
- Drugs lead nowhere… but it’s the SCENIC route that counts!
- Impotence: Nature’s way of saying “No Hard Feelings”
- Save your breath… You’ll need it to blow up your date
- You’re ridiculous little opinion has been noted…
- Some people are only alive becasue it’s illegal to shoot them
- Try not to let your mind wander… it is too small and fragile to be out by itself
and my new favorite quote: The proctologist called, they found you’re head…
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